October 10, 2019
This past week Jason and I were really excited that we would be heading home for the weekend with Colton and finally getting a break after 5 weeks of being here.
We knew it would be short but we had plans of making cinnamon rolls and bacon and sitting on the front porch watching the cars go by- a Colton favorite. We planned to turn our fire place on and sleep in clean sheets and get coffee to-go at our favorite local spot.
We thought this week would be the easiest we’ve had.
Colton did his last round of chemo for his first block on Monday, he went off of his steroid and he’s not getting any medicine accept an antibiotic to help kick his ever lingering cold. But our week has been hard. Colton’s been in a lot of pain, no doctor is sure of where the pain is coming from and he’s been poked and prodded in every area and angle in an attempt to find answers. And nearing the end of the week every test has come back with no definitive results.
I get that not everyone can relate to our exact situation and the pain that we feel, but everyone can relate to having expectations not met.
It’s never easy and never fun.
We get a lot of texts and messages applauding us for how inspiring we are and how strong our faith is which
Makes us feel awkward because
We have no choice
The alternative to being hopeful and positive is being doubtful and negative. Colton wouldn’t want that. He literally is the most joyful human I’ve ever met. And we don’t want that for ourselves.
Yes, we have feelings and we feel our feelings hard. We’re angry that we won’t get a break, that we have no answers and that it feels like there is no end in sight. We are so sad that Colton is in pain. Even the word sad feels so dull in comparison to the hurt that our hearts physically feel for him.
But.
We know God is working in the unseen.
We’ve prayed and pleaded and begged and been on our knees, we’ve worshiped and spoke life and encouragement, we’ve tried really hard to listen, be wise and obedient to God. And now we wait. We continue to do all of those things and to surrender and trust and wait for God to move.
Please pray for us.
And this weekend ;
Hug your babies, spend time with your people, do the things they love, go outside, get messy, stay up late, spend the money, be thankful for your home, eat a lot of cake and laugh hard. On our behalf.
xx,
The Dietrich’s