The do-less list.

Every morning here the Dr’s and nurses do their rounds and meet outside of Colton’s room to talk about everything that is happening with him; his medications, counts, what’s going well, what needs improvement and the next course of action.

To paint a picture it’s like 2 very uneducated, sleep deprived, emotionally unstable Joe Shmoes living on Starbucks and broken prayers lunging into battle against approximately 15 extremely educated, fully armed soldiers who probably slept 8 hours in their king sized beds and had egg sandwiches for breakfast. And to top it off they all look very put together with their white coats and fancy engraved Dr. Lovey Peabody in cursive writing while my hair hasn’t been washed in 5 days and i’m still wearing the same leggings that I spilt 6 oz of breast milk on last week. 

They’re the most wonderful and awful people. 

I’m sure they’re actually wonderful.

But our relationship feels a little like playing tug a war while I’m using all my body weight to try to hold down my side and with complete ease they’re dragging me across the messy muddy middle. 

So many times I have felt close to my breaking point. 

It’s right about the time when I’m going to lose it that I ask to see the hospital policy on said pre- made decision and fight my way back to “uh hi this is my child I make the decisions not you ok bye”. 

Yes, I’m the crazy lady asking for the nurses handbook and list of hospital policies. 

You never think you’ll be the family with the sick baby or the crazy story.

No one can prepare you for life altering news or depressing statistics. 

Throughout this journey my confidence in who God is hasn’t changed.

But my need for him has. 

The past two weeks we’ve been going crazy over counting calories and determined to find a mother loving sippy cup that Colton likes so he drinks milk because he’s stuggling to gain weight.

Finally last night Jason and I looked at each other and said we’ve got to give this one over.

That’s life, right?

Working and working and working.

Only to be reminded that we really need to stop working and start surrendering. 

You heard it. 

Lay it down, sister. 

Whether you’re trying to earn the approval of your boss or a friend or an instagram follower or if you’re trying to prove that you’re still athletic after 6 years of not being an athlete. Maybe you’re trying to train your dog to finally eat dog food after 6 years of feeding her table food or forcing your size 8 jeans on when you need to just give your thighs some love and embrace your size 14 self. 

Where you’re at. 

What you’re doing.

It’s enough.

And i’d really encourage you to stop trying to do more.

You’re the best mom for your kid.

The best husband for your wife.

The best grandma for your grandkids.

The best secretary for your team.

The best snow shoveler for your driveway.

The greatest pizza orderer for your family.

Your crocks look good on you.

That hair that you think really needs highlighted.. you’re setting a trend.

Be less.

Do less.

Trust Jesus.

Give Him a chance to actually care for you.

Give yourself a chance to actually need him.

He can only reveal himself when you let him.

So here’s your gentle reminder that you don’t have it all together and you never will.

The good news is, Jesus is picking up the pieces that you’re dropping. 

From one burnt out, controlling human to another.

xx,

The Dietrichs