September 27, 2019

Today marks 3 weeks since we’ve been here. 

Jason and I both say the time has flown, but we swear our days consist of 873 hours. 

This week has been hard and scary as we started to see signs of treatment wearing on Coltons body. Sunday we held him tight and cried with him while he was sick. We have very little to offer these days other than tears and affection. The truth is that we’re just really sad for him. 

That day and the few days to follow the pain of our situation felt more tangible than the presence of God. And that’s hard. 

It’s heartbreaking and wonderful seeing Colton get worse and get better all at the same time. We love the little boy we've gotten to know the last few weeks. He's strong, passionate, brave and snuggly. His eyes are full of wonder and he has a lung capacity of a guppy. But we really miss the giggly, smiley, playful, joyful, thick- thighed baby that we’ve known. It’s weird to miss someone that you have right next to you. 

Our days are tiring and challenging and trust me when I say on a scale of 1 to losing it I have so totally lost it. Maybe some day after my years of therapy I’ll write a blog post on all my uncensored thoughts during this season and how many med students I made question their career choice. (Please pray that my heart would be open to receiving some patience and gentleness toward them).  But through the lens of really tired eyes we also fully acknowledge what an honor it is that God chose us to walk this journey together. I'm not sure that my earthly mind will ever grasp or understand the purpose behind this season but I know that He will keep us in perfect peace when our eyes are fixed on him. 

Jason and I are praying for a miracle. 

Not the medical kind of miracle where Colton goes through all of his treatments and the medicines work and in 3 years he is considered cancer free. Although ultimately we want his body to be restored and if that’s how God chooses to do it then YAY. But we’re praying for the kind of miracle that has God written all over it and that only He can do. The same God who raised Lazarus, who transformed Saul into Paul, who led Isreal to become a great nation, who parted the Red Sea and the Jordan, who rescued Daniel, we know can heal our Sweet Colton James.

Lord hear our prayers and be merciful. 

xx,

The Dietrich’s